


Horrible

by velocitygrass



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Established Relationship, Halloween, Humor, M/M, Story within a Story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-11-01
Updated: 2008-11-01
Packaged: 2018-05-02 09:48:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5243786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/velocitygrass/pseuds/velocitygrass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John has to spend Halloween in the infirmary, so Rodney tells him a story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Horrible

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ozsaur](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ozsaur/gifts).



> Content notes: Well, you know how campfire stories can be yucky sometimes...

John was reading when Rodney, Teyla, and Ronon strolled into the infirmary together.

Teyla set down a little plastic jack-o'-lantern next to the bed. "You are missed at the party," she said with a smile.

"Thanks," John said. Then he turned to Ronon who sported a cone-shaped, brightly colored bit of cardboard. "Nice hat," John commented. "Did you lose a bet?"

"He should know better than to agree to a drinking contest with Zelenka," Rodney said dismissively, before piping up. "You're missing a great party."

"Thanks for letting me know," John said sarcastically.

"We still came here, didn't we?" Rodney said.

"I didn't ask you to," John said, a pout forming on his face.

"We _wanted_ to," Rodney said, sitting on the side of the bed, patting John's knee.

"It is very unfortunate that you injured yourself today," Teyla said.

" _But_ we're bringing some Halloween spirit here," Rodney said brightly, pointing at the jack-o'-lantern. Then his voice turned deep. "Lights please."

Ronon rolled his eyes and went to dim the lights. "This okay?" he asked Jennifer who was sitting at her desk a bit further away.

"Just don't scare him too much," she said, grinning.

Ronon returned to John's infirmary bed, where Rodney had pulled out a small hand held device that he held so that the light from the display lit him from below.

_This story is called_ Army of Darkness.

He paused dramatically before the last two words. John just stared at him looking as if he was trying to figure out if Rodney was really going to do this.

_You are on a mission with us. We're all tired from the long walk. The cave that we enter is dark and clammy and there's something about it that makes your hair stand up on end. Well, more so than usual._

John raised an eyebrow, but Rodney continued.

_The further we descend into the depths of darkness, the colder it gets. The opening of the cave is long behind us and there's no end in sight, but still you feel the air moving around you and your ear prickles with the sound of not quite nothing._

"You're a real poet, Rodney," John commented dryly.

_But_ suddenly _there's definitely a noise._

Rodney straightened on the bed and quickly moved closer to John.

_flap flap flap flap_

Rodney rubbed his fingers together in an approximation.

_All around you_

"Let me guess. Bats."

_Not just any bats._ Vampire _bats._

"Of course. What else would they be."

_Without warning they attack!_

Rodney went straight for John's hair, pulling on it and poking his head with his free hand. John slapped it away. "McKay!" But Rodney didn't stop.

_They don't let up. You manage to shoot some, and Ronon and Teyla get them by the dozen, but there are more and more coming, and you shout for my help._

"As if you wouldn't be running around screaming at this point," John said, pushing Rodney's hand away _hard_. Rodney abruptly let up.

_I come to your rescue armed with, ironically, a baseball_ bat.

John gave him a WTF look. "That's not irony and where on Earth would you have gotten a baseball bat from on a _mission_?"

"It's poetic license," Rodney said.

"It's idiotic."

"I got it from the sports loving villagers, all right?"

"I must have missed the memo where anyone in the Pegasus galaxy even _knows_ baseball."

"Ronon does," Rodney pointed out.

"Perhaps," Teyla stepped in before John could respond, "we should get back to the story."

John made a go ahead gesture, accompanied by a long-suffering sigh.

_I come to your rescue, fearlessly batting away at the bats with my bat. And you can bet that I—_

"Rodney!" John warned him.

_That I hit them one by one. Soon there's only one left, and it's sitting right_ here.

Rodney put his free hand on the left side of John's head. John slapped it away.

_So I hit it, striking a final deadly blow._

"While the thing is still on my head?"

_And the bat goes down. So do you._

"Tell me again. Are you here to cheer me up or to torture me?" John asked.

_I lovingly tend to your wound while you're out cold._

John glared. Rodney leaned forward to stroke the place he'd put his hand on before. Then he kissed it lightly which mollified John somewhat. But Rodney quickly pulled back again.

_When you wake up, however, there is a terrible throbbing in your head._

John's eyes narrowed.

_You lift your hand to check your wound, but instead of the little bump you expect there's a fist sized protrusion._

"Rodney," John said warningly. "This had better not be what I think it is."

_You can feel it pulsating, as if it's alive. Or maybe not_ it _but whatever is growing_ inside.

"If there are vampire bats or spiders crawling out of my head, you're out of here."

_You feel something under the surface, pushing against your fingers._

"Okay, that's it."

Suddenly _they break through the skin and thousands and thousands of little black vampire_ bugs _crawl out and all over your body!_

Rodney stopped for dramatic effect. John stared at him. Then he opened his mouth. "Doooooooooooooooooooooooooooooc!"

Rodney winced. The light was turned up again and Jennifer rushed to the bed. "What happened?"

John shot an icy stare at Rodney. She turned to him as well.

"Rodney? This _is_ the infirmary and I expect you to act that way if you want to stay," she said firmly.

"Squealer," Rodney said, sticking out his tongue.

John did the same in retaliation.

"I was just telling him a story," Rodney defended himself. "And you didn't even let me finish," he said to John. "We were only just getting to the good part."

"Bugs crawling all over me," John said with a shudder, "is the _good_ part?!"

"No, but you see, then you find out that you can control them with the power of your mind. So you're leading the army of vampire bugs and defeat the Wraith with them."

John blinked. Then he blinked again. " _That_ was your story? Vampire bugs grow out of my head, and I lead them to defeat the Wraith?"

"Yes," Rodney said proudly.

"That's a _horrible_ story," John said, making a face.

"Well, it _is_ Halloween."

"Not _that_ kind of horrible," John clarified.

"I think it's cool," Ronon said.

John glared at him. "Of course, you would." He sighed. "Why don't you just all go to the party and leave me alone?" He crossed his arms in front of him and pouted.

"Why don't we go and get you some pumpkin pie?" Teyla suggested instead.

John perked up at that. Teyla nudged Ronon and they went off.

"You'll behave?" Jennifer asked Rodney.

"I was _just_ telling a story," Rodney insisted.

"Sure," Jennifer said, clearly not believing a word. "You should really be nicer to the Colonel," she suggested.

"Oh please. You said yourself, he'll be fine in a few days."

"I was more thinking of how wise it is to aggravate the person who'll decide if you'll be _gettin' some_ any time soon," she said with a smirk.

"As if he'd ever—"

"I _might_ ," John said, lifting his eyebrows.

"You wouldn't," Rodney said. Then he became doubtful. "Would you?"

John grinned. "You'd better be nice to me to never find out."

"I'm always _nice_ to you," Rodney said with an answering grin. He leaned forward.

"I'll leave you two alone," Jennifer said hastily before turning around and fleeing. "No sex in the infirmary," she called over her shoulder, not looking back.

Rodney kissed John on the mouth. John's mouth opened up, and he put a hand in Rodney's hair. When Rodney pulled away, John chased after him. "Hey. You wanted to be nice to me. That was _very_ nice."

Rodney lifted his finger. "One second and things will be even nicer." He untied the laces of his shoes, pulled them off and lay down on the bed next to John.

"First of all, don't think I've completely forgiven you for the...bug," John shuddered, "story. And even if I had, you heard the doc. No sex in the infirmary."

"I know. Teyla and Ronon will be back in a minute anyway. With _cake_."

"Hmmm," John sighed dreamily.

Rodney cupped John's face and turned it towards him. "Trick or treat," he said softly.

"I'm all out of treats, I'm afraid," John said, his gaze running over Rodney's face before settling on his mouth.

"I'm sure you'll think of something," Rodney said.

They closed the distance between their mouths and met in a long sweet kiss. Rodney's hand wandered down John's body, and John pulled him closer, so that Rodney could settle half on top of John while they made out.

"I'm forgiving you," John panted between kisses.

"That's good to hear," Rodney answered, pushing his tongue against John's.

John grabbed Rodney's face as the kiss turned wet and dirty.

"Maybe we should just leave the cake here?" came Teyla's whisper.

"Stop fooling around, or we'll eat the cake ourselves," Ronon said loudly.

John and Rodney stopped, startled.

"Cake first?" Rodney asked.

John nodded. "We'll continue this later," he said into Rodney's ear, giving it a nibble.

"Hey, no biting," Rodney complained, but he smiled.

"That was revenge for the bug story," John said, taking a piece of pumpkin pie.

Rodney grabbed one as well and started eating. Between bites he looked at John and asked with a full mouth, "Ammit it, you loched the chdory."

John gave him a look as he chewed. "Maybe it's time to tell my own little story."

Rodney stopped mid-chew.

_Twenty years from now at the headquarters of the Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences..._

Rodney's eyes widened in fear.


End file.
